The Little Girl – Part 1

There’s a little girl I once knew…well she’s apart of me really and I have been trying to find her again. She is carefree, innocent, loves food, loves to eat, has an innocent relationship with food, loves her grandparents, a daddys girl and loved spending Saturdays with him – eating cheddar popcorn and watching Garfield cartoon and Peewee herman. That was her favorite. She was  overly attached to her mothers side  even though the relationship was kind of complicated. It was complicated because her daddy treated her so special…like his number one – mom sometimes got jealous.

She was quite a feminine little soul. She loved to have her finger nails and toe nails painted and her hair brushed out in the evenings. She loved to spend weekends at her grandparents house. She loved having sleep overs there and learning about her Scottish heritage. She found it fascinating and special. She loved visiting her other grandparents house, going swimming in their swimming pool, and helping her grandma feed the birds in the front yard.

This little girl loved to dance, she started dancing by age 3.  In fact she attended weekly dance classes but it never felt like too much to her. Although, she never really had a choice…she tried several activities like girl scouts, brownies, and skating. Her mom told her that she hated all activities except for dancing. This little girl was timid and shy but she shined on stage.

This little girl had her fair share of medical issues including frequent ear infections, allergy issues, night terrors and chronic asthma. Her parents told her during these night terror episodes…nothing could wake her from them and all they could do was hold her during them and try to comfort her. She was sick frequently and took too many antibiotics. Back then nobody really knew or seemed to care about the negative affects antibiotics could have on the gut and the insides of the body. This girl was on the emotional side and seemed overly sensitive – nobody knew why. She cried easily, loved animals and found it hard to make friends.

This little girl loved school and excelled in subjects like drama, English and history. She loved to write and would pretend write books on lined pieces of paper`. Math confused her and she frequently did things backwards. Maybe there was some dyslexia there. Numbers never made sense to her. She loved school but she was a shy kid and didn’t get in trouble for too much talking on her report card, rather she got in trouble for not enough participation. She had a lot of friends through her dance classes but not too many close friends at school.

This little girl had a good start to life and from about birth to age 7 she was carefree and innocent. She didn’t like when her parents argued or fought but she kind of understood that was a part of life. She chatted to her imaginary friends in her room and hid quietly away with her pet dogs while her parents argued. The dogs comforted her.

This little girl loved to go camping. She loved her family trailer which was very tiny and nothing fancy – but it felt like a treat to get away every weekend, have a campfire and roast marshmallows. It was fun to spend days at the beach by the lake. Yes, this little girl had a good, average life. And her parents tried their best. And yet the highs were highs and the lows were very low. Money was always tight however they always made it work. She loved her family very much. She loved her parents despite it all. She looked up to them for direction, self confidence and comfort. 

 

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I believe from birth to age 7 were my unmasked years…I was free and innocent. I enjoyed life and did not really experience the dark side of life yet. 

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Have you met your inner child? Is She/he still apart of you? Have you made peace with that little soul? Or do you still have some healing to do…It’s the only way you will ever be able to feel complete today. Ignoring your innerchild and refusing to make peace with the past will continue to haunt you into your future. 

This writes like a journal entry because it is. By doing so it’s helping me connect the dots and remember myself as a child. 

I will occasionally be updating with several parts through this blog.

Take care! Until next time…

XO Jocelyn

 

 

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